Posted on 12-03-2013
Filed Under (News To Amuse) by Chloe Davies

Car Jokes

You sign, You sign…

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Japanese man, clutching a clip board and yelling,

“You Sign! You sign!”

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Japanese man starts to yell louder,

“You Sign! You sign!”

Nelson says to him, “Look, you’ve obviously got the wrong man”, and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again.

When he opens it, the little Japanese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson’s nose, yelling,

“You sign! You sign!”

Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Japanese man back, shouting: “Look, go away! You’ve got the wrong man. I don’t want them!”

Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Japanese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting,

“You sign! You sign!”

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him: “Look, I don’t want these! Do you understand?

You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?”

The little Japanese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:

(It’s a beauty)…

(wait for it)…

(Get your best Japanese accent ready)…… 

“You not Nissan Main Deala?”

Wind up the Windows

A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a body shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car’s tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, “What are you doing?”

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, …

“HELLLLO” “You need to wind up the windows”

Mini overtaking Porsche??

A man in a Jaguar passed a Mini that had broken down by the side of the road. Being a kindly driver, he stopped and fixed a tow-rope to it and began towing it to the nearest garage.
After 10 minutes of towing, a Porsche passed them at high speed. The Jaguar driver was not going to be outdone by a Porsche, so, forgetting that he had a Mini in tow, slammed his foot down and the Jaguar and Porsche indulged in a high-speed race down the road, the Mini and it’s occupant trailing wildly about at the end of the rope frantically trying to attract their attention and failing.
A Police car saw them and gave chase. The Police driver radioed back to Headquarters “Sarge, you’ll never believe this, I’ve just seen a Porsche and a Jaguar neck and neck doing 150 mph – and a bloke in a Mini flashing his lights, blowing his horn and trying to overtake them!”

 

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