Posted on 05-03-2013
Filed Under (News To Amuse) by Chloe Davies

Joke Misleading

Joan Gets Car Privileges

Mom and dad had just given their teenage daughter, Joan, family-car privileges.

The following Saturday Joan was allowed to take the car to a party, and in addition to the usual don’t-be-home-too-late admonishments she had been given one about don’t-drink-and-drive.

Joan was a sensible girl. On Saturday night she stayed away from alcohol, but had lots of fun anyway. Lots of fun.

The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning.

At 11:30 AM the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, “Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?”

“Not too late, Dad,” she replied, perhaps a tad nervously.

Dead-panned, her father said, “Then, my precious one, I shall certainly have to talk with the paperboy about not placing my morning paper under the tire of the car.”

At Heavens Gates

Three men die and are sitting at heavens gate. the angel asks the first man, so what were you like ? he replies, ‘ oh i was a really good husband, never cheated on my wife, looked after my kids, gave to charity ‘. the angel replies ‘ well, you can have a rolls royce ‘. the angel then turns to the second man. he says ‘ i was quite a good husband, cheated a few times, bit of an alcoholic, but i never killed anyone’. the angel says ‘ in that case, you can have a ford focus ‘. the third man then says ‘ i was a lousy husband, never did a good thing in my life, a complete looser ‘. the angel gives him a bicycle.

later the two men with the ford and bicycle, see the man with a rolls royce crying his eyes out on a park bench. ‘ whats the problem ?’ they ask. ‘ i just saw my wife on a skateboard ‘, he replies.

 

I Killed the Cow

Victoria Beckham was being driven around the countryside in her limo.Suddenly a cow walked into the road and unable to stop in time, the limo hit the cow.

Slightly shaken up, the driver went to see if the cow was alright.

‘Is it alright?’ asked Victoria .

The driver prodded the cow with his foot and shook his head. ‘No ma’am, it’s dead.’

‘Well you were driving, so you can go tell the farmer what happened!’

So the driver went off to the nearby farm. A couple of hours later hecame back holding a bottle of wine, his clothes scruffy and messed up.

‘Oh my god, what happened to you?’ Victoria exclaimed.

‘Well ma’am,’ explained the driver, ‘the farmer gave me this bottle ofwine, the farmer’s wife gave a kiss and their daughter made love to me.’

‘Just what the hell did you say to them?’

‘I’m Victoria Beckham’s driver and I’ve just killed the cow.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

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